I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
