she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I am available for nakedness
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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