He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
