did you get engaged???
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
