I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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