I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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