my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
