I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
