My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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