last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
