I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
