I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
