so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
