I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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