I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
