where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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