she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
