So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
