So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
