You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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