I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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