If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
