Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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