Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
