I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Boobs are out for the taking
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
