I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize