I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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