i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
