dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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