turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
