In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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