I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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