the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
