The maid of honor just puked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
