I just pynch a tree in the face
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
