Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
