i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
