I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
