Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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