He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
