I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
