i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
