found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
