Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
