We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
