she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
