Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
