I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize