I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can't put those talents on a resume
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize