Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I touched a dick in church today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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