New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
