Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
