So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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