Well douche your snatch and let's go!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
