She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
