my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
