I want to have your abortion
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
