The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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