On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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