I wish I only lived at night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
