Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You dont lie about slip and slides
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
