I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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