I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
