weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
