Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Vodka?
Forever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
