i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
