Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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